fear

I’m your resource. What do you want to know about fear?

I’m afraid. I don’t like it

What don’t you like about it?

It makes me panicky and on edge.

What does panicky and on edge feel like?

A tightness on my chest, I can’t think straight.

What does that feeling make you want to do?

Panic.

Well, some people panic in different ways. Some people curl up, some run, some people scream…what does it make you want to do?

I don’t know…I feel fear has an influence on my life, kind of an illusion, like a perception….maybe I’m using that perception thinking it’s protecting me. Why would someone want to cling to that reality?

No one would. The question is why does it happen. In my experience of working with this for nearly a decade is fear is a built in survival skills for a lot of things. We need fear. To survive. Fight, flight, freeze. During that time bodily functions happen, cortisol, the stress hormone, is high, your heart starts going crazy. Epinephrine and Norepinephrine work to get you ready to fight for your life. This comes from the original lizard brain. We’ve evolved of course, our brains developed, we now have a pre frontal cortex that can manage these signals.

Why do we have trouble managing these signals?

Because when we’re in that state the pre frontal cortext, the decision making part of your brain, is actually proven to decrease. It’s saying ‘get away from the situation, fight the situation, or freeze.’ So there is physiological things that are happening that are out of your control when you get triggered like that. That’s what that is, when you get fearful of something you are getting triggered. So if you’re in a car and someone cuts you off, yells ‘fuck you!’ They’re doing that because they’re angry right? But it’s not really anger. They react that way because you scared them. You threatened their safety. You threatened their rule book. That is the connection because fear and anger. Tell me the last time you were scared.

When I fight with my partner. I’m afraid of loosing him.

Ok so that sounds like a fear of abandonment

That sounds like a cliche

Ok well if you want to get better we don’t use words like cliche. We don’t. So it maybe it is a cliche or maybe it’s not but the problem is, is that it’s effecting you now and I’m only here for the results. I’m here to get you out of the situation. Shame and guilt don’t work. So what is fear of abandonment to you?

Hmm I don’t know. Insecure.

Ok so let’s metal detect a bit. I’m going to throw some ideas out there. So what message are you telling yourself? I believe I live in an unpredictable world and that makes me uncomfortable. It makes me scared. No matter how worthy I am, my partner may hurt me, they may find someone else, they may leave. If I don’t have control over that situation, if it’s left to the gods, if its left to fate then I have to trust, which is scary to me because in the past the world taught me it’s not safe to trust. It hurts to trust. It’s devastating for you. Tell me more about this feeling. Is the fear of abandonment about splitting up a partnership or is it a self worth issue.

I don’t know.

Well we’ve got to figure that out. Because if I feel worthy enough then I can expect that I’m going to be ok.

It doesn’t feel like that. It feels more like the bond of a family should not ever break. Like why do families break like, what the fuck! Families should not break! So I really don’t want to be in a broken family!

Ok, ok we got a trigger there, our metal detector went off. Once you start amping yourself up like that I know I’m in the right place. Ok? So now the question is why is that a trigger? Because it’s common when a family breaks up. Statistically most families break up. So why would, not even you, why would a person have a trigger so deeply embedded in them about the disillusion of a family?

Probably because my family was unstable.

Unstable ok. You value family. You’ve always valued family. So you were a kid and you didn’t really know what a family should or shouldn’t be but you knew it didn’t feel right-

-ok well talk about lizard brain it’s common fucking sense to keep a family together

One could argue the construct of monogamy was built over time. It’s a modern concept, the construct of marriage is one of utility. So you’ve always identified with monogamy. And that is fine. But what we have to discuss is that you are getting triggered by the thought of a disillusion of a relationship is putting you into a fight or flight response. To me, it may indicate an intense desire to always have a family.

Intense desire? I’m confused.

Well maybe where that powerful feeling comes from is not so much monogamy but brings you back to that feeling as a child in an unstable home. If your family was stable growing up would you have a trigger like this? Growing up like you did must have felt inauthentic to you. It didn’t feel right.

No it did not. Not at all. And now I’m exhausted. Do you think about this stuff in your own life?

Constantly. I have to stay on top of it. I’m a shark if I stop swimming I die. This journey can be lonely. Once you’ve chosen self awareness it can feel lonely being the only one in the room with that awareness. It’s really lonely watching others operate within a shell of who they really are. It’s lonely watching a person project their own stuff onto you and not being able to say anything because it would be pointless without years of therapy. I can’t tell you how many times when I try to connect with someone that isn’t self aware their eyes just glass over and I hear an empty “exactly” to whatever I may be trying to express to them that day. Maybe they’re lost, uninterested, or just not ready to hear someone else express their truth. Most often when I see people living in that shell its because they’ve had to survive that way. They forced themselves to live a lifestyle that may not have been built for them. But I’m here for people. Wherever they are in their journey. That is my duty, my responsibility.

fear, the facts:

When you experience fear, your body initiates a complex physiological response known as the "fight-or-flight" response. This response involves the release of several chemicals and hormones that prepare your body to react to perceived threats. The main chemicals involved in the fear response include:

1. Adrenaline (Epinephrine): Adrenaline is released by the adrenal glands and acts as a stress hormone. It triggers a rapid increase in heart rate, blood pressure, and respiration rate, providing a burst of energy and enhancing alertness.

2. Noradrenaline (Norepinephrine): Noradrenaline works alongside adrenaline to increase heart rate, constrict blood vessels, and raise blood pressure. It helps prepare the body for action, improving focus and increasing blood flow to muscles.

3. Cortisol: Cortisol is a steroid hormone released by the adrenal glands in response to stress. It helps regulate glucose metabolism, increase blood sugar levels, and enhance the availability of energy sources in the body. Cortisol also dampens non-essential bodily functions, such as digestion and immune responses, to prioritize immediate survival.

4. Dopamine: Fear triggers the release of dopamine in certain brain regions, particularly in the amygdala, which is responsible for processing emotions. Dopamine plays a role in the formation of memories associated with fear and can heighten attention and arousal.

5. Serotonin: Fear can temporarily decrease serotonin levels in the brain. Serotonin is a neurotransmitter that regulates mood, emotions, and feelings of well-being. Low serotonin levels may contribute to feelings of anxiety and contribute to the overall fear response.

It's important to note that the fear response is a complex interplay of various physiological and psychological factors, and the release of these chemicals may vary depending on the individual and the specific circumstances.

Unleashing the Power Within: Understanding Fear and Empowering Artistic Minds

Welcome to our transformative journey, where we explore the intricacies of fear and its impact on the vibrant world of art and entertainment. As an experienced life coach and clinical therapist with a rich history of working with diverse individuals, including esteemed celebrities, singers, musicians, comedians, actors, directors, and writers, I am thrilled to be your guide.

Fear, that enigmatic emotion that grips our souls, inhibits our potential, and obstructs our creative flow. Together, we shall unravel its secrets and equip you with the tools to conquer this formidable force.

Within the realms of human psychology and behavior, fear holds profound significance. From a clinical standpoint, fear serves as an evolutionary survival mechanism, deeply ingrained within our beings. It heightens our senses, activates our fight-or-flight response, and triggers an intricate cascade of physiological processes, all aimed at preserving our existence. This primal instinct, originating from our ancient "lizard brain," protected our ancestors and continues to influence our responses today.

Nevertheless, fear's dominion over our lives is not absolute. As we evolved, our brains bestowed us with the prefrontal cortex, the guardian of reason and decision-making. This cognitive powerhouse enables us to navigate the labyrinth of fear, granting us the ability to manage its overwhelming signals.

Yet, even with this cerebral ally, fear can overpower the strongest of souls. It grips our thoughts, undermines our judgment, and propels us into a state of panic. When triggered, fear diminishes the prefrontal cortex's functionality, redirecting our focus towards escape or self-preservation. These physiological responses, beyond our conscious control, shape our perceptions and behavior.

Imagine the scenario: a perilous encounter on the road, a stranger's wrath expressed through expletives. In truth, their anger masks a profound fear. You inadvertently threatened their safety, disrupted their equilibrium, and ignited a primal response within them. Fear and anger intertwine, an intricate dance played out within the human psyche.

Now, let us delve into your own experience of fear. Perhaps it arises when engaging in passionate conflicts with your partner, where the specter of abandonment looms large. This fear, rooted deep within your being, transcends clichés. It echoes the insecurities that gnaw at your core, questioning your worthiness and fueling your dread. I am here to facilitate a meaningful exploration of these emotions, devoid of shame or guilt, and guide you towards liberation.

The fear of abandonment reveals a profound desire for connection, stability, and enduring familial bonds. It reflects your intrinsic values and resonates with your experiences. It is a testament to your empathy, for you recognize the sanctity of a unified family structure. Yet, within this longing lies the echoes of an unstable past, where authenticity seemed elusive and the world appeared askew.

Allow me to accompany you on this enlightening path. Together, we shall sift through the layers of your fear, peeling back the veneer of uncertainty. We will examine the root causes and illuminate the intricate tapestry of emotions that underpin your longing for an unbreakable family unit.

Through our shared journey, I assure you that you are not alone. As an expert in human psychology and behavior, I am constantly engaged in self-reflection and growth. This quest for self-awareness, though sometimes lonely, imbues my practice with depth and compassion. I have witnessed countless individuals inhabiting shells of their true selves, burdened by unexplored truths and projections.

My commitment lies in meeting you wherever you are on your unique journey of self-discovery. Together, we will navigate the intricate terrain of your fears, paving the way for personal growth, creative liberation, and a profound sense of empowerment.

Topics coming soon: inner child, anger

inner child

Not everyone connects with their inner child or even have the desire to. What made you want to explore this concept?

Well I had to realize that all my adult ways weren’t working. I tried therapy, I tried to handle the here and now, I tried to mask, I drank, I tried to handle each situation as an adult would. Unforutanately the trauma that occurred during adolescence was never settled then so as an adult I went to therapy for relief. CBT helped a bit, EMDR didn’t help at all. It wasn’t for me, it opened doors too quickly. I still wasn’t getting the help I needed. I had to be honest with myself. I worked to quiet the external noises, to quiet my adult voice and instead I listened. That’s when my inner child popped up. That’s how the work started. He didn’t necessarily want to talk to me, he didn’t think I could control the situation. It took a while for me to understand that that was my inner child speaking up. It took a lot of digging, a lot of looking in the mirror, dropping of the ego, and giving time and space to my core needs- which for my situation was a lack of nurturing, a lack of protection from the world, a lack of healthy exposure to challenges to the world. I would describe it as being thrown into a deep end of a pool before you’re ready. I asked Little Michael “Why don’t you want to get into the pool anymore?” and I had to listen to his feelings, I had to validate him, try to earn his trust. We talked about steps, maybe entering the kiddie pool first, maybe just walking in the rain, anything water related. You have to meet your inner child where they are at and earn their trust again and again. The survival skills I had built up until then were kicking and screaming in the pool when there was perceived danger. And that translates to so much heartache in adulthood. For me a major one was living with debilitating anxiety. And those taught survival skills that follow us into adulthood is what I work with my clients on. It all starts back in childhood. The sooner I can reconnect them to that original learned coping skill, the sooner they get better.

Inner child work is all individualized. It’s based on how you think, the way you are able to conceptualize how trauma manifests currently. Some people may not even want to identify this child while they are in adulthood. They think they’ve moved past it. They don’t even want to look at their inner child. Maybe they don’t even know how to start. Personally for me, It was helpful to hang a picture of me as a kid in my office. This reminds me everyday to check in with my feelings. Where are they coming from? How old are these thoughts? Then I can communicate. I can offer understanding and even apologize that these traumatic events happened to Little Michael. I tell him “It was not your fault, you were a child, etc.” Sometimes young adult Michael will come out with his fuck the world anger. He wants to push back on anything anyone says even if it is trying to help. But young adult Michael needs healing too. He needs to trust adult Michael as well.

I see now the way I move through life is like traveling with a caravan of these different Michaels. Baby Michael may be in the back seat crying, adolescent Michael may be raging in the front, resisting the trip. You have to go through life as their parent. You have to be fair. You have to be nurturing. You have to be careful. Your passengers don’t trust you. If they trusted you they wouldn’t be screaming “Mask! Isolate, don’t let anyone get too close! Don’t trust anyone!

So it sounds like you have the mental separation when communicating to younger versions of yourself. Do you have that separation with current day Michael? Do you communicate with him?

Absolutely. You have to talk to your current day self otherwise you get caretaker fatigue. If you’re constantly people pleasing these internal systems, you are ignoring your present day self. What I have found to work is when you are all together, you remind them of all the changes you’ve made, all the work you’ve done on yourself, and you do that work to help them move forward. Also it is so important to check in with your current self. Ask yourself what do I need in this moment? Are the people in my life treating me well? Are they nurturing? Keep in mind it’s a slippery slope when you start thinking externally. You don’t want to assign external factors as the major contributors to your happiness. But in the beginning of this process it is helpful to surround yourself with positive influences. Identifying what you need is key. You have to be honest with yourself. If no one was looking, if there is no societal expectation, what is it that you need? How would you articulate that to yourself? Is it a hug, a dinner made for you, a pat on the back, words of encouragement? Do you need someone to remind you of everything you’ve gone though, everything you’ve survived? This is especially hard for men. And we know now how toxic societal bred masculinity can be. It isn’t working for us. It’s time to accept that and move onto what does work for us. All of these things you can now offer yourself in the moment. You can offer them to your younger selves.

Would you consider your inner child your true self?

The thing about trauma is that it traps you in that time where the event occurred. You can’t bust out of it. If you had trauma at five like I did, you don’t have the skills to get yourself out. Your psyche is stunted there, your survival skills are stunted there. You look around and see that no one is normalizing your experience, you realize that you have to bottle this up, no one is going to be here for me. Or you develop a fear of abandonment, you attach yourself to other people easily. So what I’ve done for myself and for my clients is look through their whole lives, all parts of them. How did they look at the world? How do they look at people around them? How they were hurt. What they needed. Once my clients began to make those connections they saw positive changes in their lives. It is hard. And it takes a good practitioner to sit there with you and go through everything and pull the weeds. Some practictioners watch the grass grow, empathize with you, or they help you mow the lawn and ignore the weeds. I’m on my hands and knees pulling the weeds with you in the brutal sun. But the work is getting done.

Inner Child, the facts

Embarking on a journey of self-discovery and healing often involves delving into the depths of our past experiences. In the realm of therapy, one powerful approach that has gained significant attention is Inner Child Work. This transformative process focuses on connecting with and nurturing the wounded child within us, unlocking profound healing potential.

Understanding Inner Child Work: At its core, Inner Child Work revolves around recognizing and addressing unresolved childhood wounds and traumas. The concept is rooted in the belief that our early experiences shape our emotional landscape, influencing how we navigate relationships, cope with stress, and perceive ourselves.

The Therapeutic Process: During therapy sessions centered on Inner Child Work, individuals are guided to revisit their past experiences with the support of a trained therapist. This involves exploring memories, emotions, and reactions tied to early life events. By creating a safe space for self-expression, individuals can engage with their inner child, acknowledging and validating their emotions.

Reparenting and Healing: A key aspect of Inner Child Work involves reparenting the wounded inner child. Therapists assist individuals in providing the care, understanding, and love that may have been lacking during their formative years. This nurturing process allows for the reintegration of fragmented aspects of the self, fostering a sense of wholeness and self-compassion.

Breaking Patterns and Cultivating Resilience: Through Inner Child Work, individuals gain insights into recurring patterns and behaviors rooted in past experiences. By identifying and understanding these patterns, they can work towards breaking unhealthy cycles and cultivating resilience. This process empowers individuals to respond to present challenges with greater awareness and emotional maturity.

Inner Child Work in therapy is a profound exploration that goes beyond mere introspection; it's a path to profound healing and self-empowerment. By reconnecting with the inner child, individuals can navigate the journey of self-discovery, fostering a more compassionate and resilient sense of self. As the wounds of the past are acknowledged and tended to, the potential for a brighter, more fulfilling future emerges.

Blog Post Title Three

It all begins with an idea. Maybe you want to launch a business. Maybe you want to turn a hobby into something more. Or maybe you have a creative project to share with the world. Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.

Don’t worry about sounding professional. Sound like you. There are over 1.5 billion websites out there, but your story is what’s going to separate this one from the rest. If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice in your head, that’s a good sign you still have more work to do.

Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.

Blog Post Title Four

It all begins with an idea. Maybe you want to launch a business. Maybe you want to turn a hobby into something more. Or maybe you have a creative project to share with the world. Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.

Don’t worry about sounding professional. Sound like you. There are over 1.5 billion websites out there, but your story is what’s going to separate this one from the rest. If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice in your head, that’s a good sign you still have more work to do.

Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.